As long as it's a proper noun..

You know when you see someone with their tag sticking out and it just bugs you so much and you're itching to tuck it back in? (I've gone up to the odd person to tuck it in if they seem like the type to appreciate their tag inside their shirt...) Well that is the feeling I get inside when I see the "word" "alot". I have to put word in quotations because it is not, in fact, a word. But, it's EVERYWHERE!! It's like Crocs, you would like them to go far far away and never return... but you know they won't.

And then, my fellow grammar freaks, my life was changed completely. I will never be the same person ever again. Ok so I might get over it one day. To the point - someone told me that Alot is a place. In India. In the region of Madhya Pradesh. Here is a map of it:

Thanks Wikipedia

 In my mind, this doesn't change things. So what if a non-word is a proper noun? Most names aren't actual words, that you could legally use in Scrabble anyway. Unless it's Carol. That's a word AND a name.

Ya learn something new every day!

I'm worried about my brain and its regression

Ok, so I'm no English major and I've never written a book, but I do happen to love the English language (read: nerd) and learned to obsess over spelling and grammar at the age of 10. I was in french immersion and so our school had a pretty intensive English class to make sure we didn't fall behind. It was one of the only classes I liked, as from grade 2 I had a WITCH for a teacher, Mme. Hag* and in grade 5 Mme. Crabbyapple* wasn't much nicer. Mme. Hag had flaming red hair and I'm pretty sure she was an alien, like Will Smith's teacher on Men in Black. She was certifiably nuts. I was scared shitless. She flew off on her broom halfway through the semester, no joke, so the wee children were safe from her gingerbread house. Mme. Crabbyapple, she was just mean. She thought I was dumb, and possibly being abused at home or something (I found this out later). Needless to say my parents didn't like her. I just shook every time she looked at me with those mean eyes, I couldn't help but stutter and clam up. So when English class came around I dove into it with fervor. Here's where my story actually starts to come back around - when I tested at grade 12 spelling in grade 5, I told EVERYBODY. Not just that day, that week, that year, but I'm pretty sure I told someone last week. One of my best friends used me as her dictionary. I loved it. I embrace the nerd in me. Now, I would never enter a spelling bee or anything because that shit is just crazy.

So, why complain? Because the other day I spelled "flies" in a bbm message "flys". FLYS PEOPLE, FLYS. WTF?!? Who am I? What have I become? I cringe. I also have spelled "you're" instead of "your", not the other way around. Most people wouldn't care, but I do.
A lot. Side note: thank god I can still spell "a lot" correctly. Kill me if I ever spell it as one word. And not some quick death, a slow and painful death filled with horrible grammar. And the word flys. What is happening to my brain? I've accepted the brain farts and always losing my train of thought, but now this? I'm regressing. Oy vey.

How do I prevent this embarrassing regression from furthering damage on my brain/dignity? Sad face. Any advice would be appreciated. I do the crossword (it's no New York Times,  but it'll do) and it's clearly not helping. And if it is helping, then oh god, I'm only 25 and it's all downhill from here. First.. little meaningless spelling mistakes, then I start having trouble stringing sentences together, and then I can only communicate via chest pounding and "Me Tarzan, You Jane". I won't make it in the jungle!!! I won't survive!

So remember: if I ever spell "a lot" the other way - I can't even purposely spell it the wrong way for fear of using it in the future - SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH FULL OF GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. Also, Hyperbole and a Half has the most amazing image of a creature she calls the Alot. This creature helps me deal with people.

* Mme. Hag's and Mme. Crabbyapple's names have been changed because my mom said I should. Not because I wanted to. I am still giving them the evil eye in my mind.