Brain Word Fart Block Thing

I miss writing. I miss being able to write, and sitting down and telling a story. But then this evil writing word fart block monster came and it hasn't left. I have all these drafts sitting here, completely unfinished and very lame. Did you know that there is one about life as a male poodle? And one about how I should probably become a lesbian? Oddly enough, I chopped off all my hair recently. Step 1, check. But that's beside the point. Point is, WHERE ARE MY WORDS AND STRINGING TOGETHER OF THEM CAPABILITY?

I've lost you now, haven't I? Well, if I haven't, I will tell you a little ditty of a story.

This New Years I decided I wanted to do something different. After spending a month actively trying to remember what I did last new years eve (I was home on antibiotics and was passed out before midnight), all I could think of were past years of disappointment. And hangovers, so many hangovers. Year after year, without fail I would wake up on January 1st with an overwhelming sense of blahhhh. And then remember how much money I spent and look over at the hooker next to me and think, "was it all worth it?" The hooker was of course worth it, the rest of the night... meh. I love me a good hooker.

So this year I actively made no plans. Instead I watched kick ass Criminal Minds marathon. It was amazing. Of course, no new years is complete without a hooker, and I have a special new years eve harlot.

Ok, so I lied. I don't have any hookers or harlots. I didn't want to alarm anybody with my lame sober new years. Even though it was the best new years ever. Really. Even without drunk Alex. New Years drunk Alex is a meanie. She doesn't like the hoopla either.

Sober Alex also has some slight anger issues that she needs to deal with and is unsure of how drunk Alex will handle them. It's all fun and games until someone pisses a bitch off.

Maybe there will be less drunk Alex stories, but don't worry kids, there will probably be some angry Alex stories. Do you think they will let me write in prison? Can you imagine the stories I'll have from prison?? "Alex Gets Searched", "Alex Drops Soap", "Alex in Chains", "Alex Gets Her First Bitch". I'll have to rename my blog lexintheclink. Catchy, no?

I think I found my inspiration.

I apologize for the nonsensical post.

Oh and here's my short hair. Perfect for both becoming a lesbian and going to prison.

Acceptance Speech

The amazing Lady Antimony recently gave me an award. Not just any award, but "One Lovely Blog Award"!! AND to top it all off, it's my FIRST EVER BLOG AWARD! I was tres excited. Awards make me happy and bashful and humbled and all that jazz. And then I brag. This is why you give your kid gold stars when they do something right. Then they become over-achievers and competitive and yearn for awards and recognition. Right? I'm right, right? Can you tell I got gold stars as a kid? We put them on my headboard.

So anyway, this week was not a blogging week for me. My creative juices were, well, in sludge form. Heck, I was in sludge form. (Also, I wish that the word "I" was longer so that people would know when I was emphasizing it.)

So, to make up for my lack of presence this week, I have an absolutely embarrassing admission to make. I'm kind of excited to see Fast and Furious Five. WAIT! Let me finish. Not that I expect it to be a stellar movie, but you know there will be sick action scenes and 3 half naked bodies that really should not be missed. Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and Dwayne Johnson... oh my. Rawr.

Oh, I guess it's my turn to pass this on to some lovely bloggers. There are some seriously talented writers out there, and I thoroughly enjoy reading these:

Andy à la Crazy With a Side of Awesome Sauce

Renee à la Eat.Live.Shop.

Laurenne à la Humans are Funny

Jewels à la Jewels Turning 30

Random Girl à la Random Girl Blog

Kat à la Tapetum Lucidum

Mean Girl à la Mean Girl Garage

Happy Easter my pretties. I'm looking forward to quality time with friends, family and ham. (Hint to parentals: Get a ham if you haven't already planned on it.. and I'd like some scalloped potatoes too.)

Not Quite Dead Yet..

Is anybody still there? No? Ah well, I deserve it! I didn't mean to abandon my blog, it just... happened. I went from being busy, to having the stomach flu (Norwalk... AGAIN!) to having zero creative energy. Excuses, excuses, I know. I hate me. I'm working on a stellar piece about why men can't win, but in the mean time... ok, so I haven't started writing it, but it's in my head. Anyway, in the meantime, here's a poem I found on my old hard drive. I wrote it 4 years ago. I used to write a lot, and this one found its way onto my computer! I like this one. It's called "My Dreams Betray Me" and I could have a hundred different pieces with the same title.

My dreams betray me with visions of you

I want to be her, that girl that you look at

To feel your eyes on me, cover me completely

Denial will keep my feelings at bay

It’s not that hard when I refuse to get hurt

A hard shell has formed

To keep you away

To keep me in

To mask the weakness that grows inside

Too embarrassed to let it show

I hate the girl who cries at night

I hate the one who abandoned me when she needed to stay

Where did I go?

This is a picture I took 4 years ago. I know. Blonde.

Now.. to get cracking on this piece.. Who wants to climb into my head and write it out?

And here is where I bare my soul

I have a secret: I'm kind of emotional.

I know, right?

But really, I have mushy insides. And feel lots. Sometimes I cry against my will. I'm all "no, I'm a tough bitch", and my insides are all like "CRY CRY CRY CRY SNOT CRY CRY CRY". The truth is, I'm a huge softy. Puppies, babies, puppies, they make me coo and and warm my heart.

Looking back, when I was younger I was naive and optimistic and warmhearted. I was a softy and very emotional. Too emotional. I had anxiety and depression problems, and on top of it all, I wore my heart on my sleeve. I'm sure that about half of teenagers experience the same thing. I was so up and down, I really had no control over my emotions. I will never forget the time that I was in the car with my guy friends and laughing to the point of tears; those tears became real and I started crying uncontrollably. Boys don't deal with tears very well, teenage boys just get nervous and scared and very uncomfortable. It was fun. Another time during Christmas I started crying over dinner because I missed my papa J who had just passed... years before.

If you ask my parents about a random emotional outburst of mine, they will tell you this story: me at 9, 10, 11 crying over seemingly nothing. When they can finally get a word in over the sobbing and hiccuping, asking me what's wrong, they hear this: "I... MISS... JILLI..AN!!" You see, Jillian was my best friend from when I was 2 until she moved away when I was 5. FIVE YEARS OLD PEOPLE. And here I was having an emotional melt down years later. Embarrassing. So now when my parents think I'm crying over nothing, they ask me if I miss Jillian. Fuckers.

I think that because I was always so emotional growing up, I started to keep the mushy ones in. I didn't want to be seen as this emotionally fucked up girl who shouldn't be taken seriously because she couldn't control her tears. So I was tougher. Showed off my muscles more. Grunted more. It wasn't hard to put the mushy away because I've always had a dark, sarcastic side. However before, where I had the angel on one shoulder and devil on the other, now the devil gave the angel a black eye and she got pissed off and left.

Huh, this post has turned into more than I bargained for. I didn't intend for it to be a soul baring post. I walked into this post thinking "hey, I'm gonna write about how much I used to be a sissy". Didn't know I'd end up psycho analyzing myself. Yay.

So, for the worst post in the history of posts.... I'm going to end this one before you all find out more about my insides. I'm going to stick to my dark side from now on. This side is less funny.