Heat of Summer

This summer has definitely been one for the books.

I have felt more lost and scared than I have in a very long time. Right now I am unemployed, after coming off of an incredible 4 month trip through Central America I have been trying to figure out what I want to do next with my life. And that's a big question. What do I want to do? I have no fucking clue. I have thought about working in a bar to enable me to go traveling again, or go back to school or work in not-for-profit or teach ESL. I have no idea and it is terrifying. There are days where I feel so lost that I don't want to get out of bed. Between that and trying to figure out where I fit in life, I get serious bouts of depression. I have lashed out at my family more times than is acceptable. I'm living at home after living on my own for 11 years and we've all been adjusting to each other.

But I have also had one of the best summers that I can remember. I love my family. They are so supportive of me and have put up with my shit. While I have often felt that I would like to be on my own and not disturbed, I find comfort in their support. I have seen friends that I hadn't seen in months and laughed so much that my stomach hurts. I've gone hiking, cycling, camping, cottaging, canoeing, swimming and most recently my first music festival. I am more tanned than I have ever been in my life because I have spent so much time outside. I can't get enough of it. I've read about 4 or 5 books. They have been my therapy. It has been 5 days since I've read and I'm itching to start a new book. I've also had a lot of ice cream. Ice cream is delicious.

I met a boy too. He's pretty great and has brought me so much happiness and opened up my cold heart that hasn't been trusting in many many years. Even though our time is limited since he will be moving across the globe in a couple of weeks, he will always hold a special place in my heart for allowing me to be me and being someone I can trust and open up to and have the absolute best time with. You guys would really like him.

So much has happened this summer and I feel like I haven't even touched on half of it. I am also going to BC next week to see my family. I haven't seen them in a few years and the mountains are one of my happy places. I will be seeing my nana for probably the last time. She is in a hospital full time and has serious dementia. She won't recognize me. But I am glad that I will be able to say goodbye. She is an incredible woman with the best laugh and sense of humor. Even though she won't be the same person when I see her, she'll still be my nana.

And in a couple of weeks I will be turning 30. Quite the milestone and I think I'm okay with it. Let's leave it there so that I don't overthink it.

I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Many of my ups are tied in with my downs, and sometimes my heart feels like it will explode. But I can't change any of it. If you took away those downs then you'd be taking away my highs. And those highs are amazing. And they are accentuated even more because I know that not everything is perfect and I'm lucky to have what I have. I am very very lucky.

So thank you, I love you dearly.

Snowmageddon

Any of you living on the US east coast or Ontario have heard the winter storm warnings over the past couple of days. And if you're in the States, then please tell me it's not as bad as I've heard.

Because I'm not ready for SNOWMAGEDDON. Not when I have to walk 5 miles, uphill both ways, with the wind in my face the whole time. Ok, so it's not 5 miles, and it's not uphill. But I do have to walk. And SHOVEL.

I'm still waiting for the news to say "hide your children, lock up your valuables!". Because those weather people are starting to scare me. Anybody hear a reporter say SNOWMAGEDDON yet? Should I be writing out a will tonight in case I'm buried in an avalanche on my way to work? Not that anybody wants my debt. Too bad you couldn't put your debt in your will, because I have a couple people in mind of who I would add to the will.

I wish I was a kid for the day tomorrow. Because you know that all the schools are gonna be closed, and that snowman building conditions will be prime. I'd also build an igloo. My cousin once built an igloo using some snow and a lot of water. It was pretty sweet, except that I was too big to go inside of it. Sad sad day.

Here are some random flashbacks as I sit here thinking about winters when I was a kid:

- I used to catch the bus when I lived in Calgary, and this one kid had a pole he would hork onto to judge how cold it was. I say hork instead of spit because you gotta have a little something extra for added velocity and weight. We could judge how cold it was by how long it would take to freeze on the pole. Clever, right?
- I missed the bus once when it was -30C and there were a few feet of snow. I had been standing there waiting for only 15 minutes, but I was so cold I couldn't move from my spot. Good thing my dad drove by and found me frozen in a snowbank.
- There were a few winters where I would ski almost every weekend. My mom had organized ski lessons for the kids at school and so we'd hit up COP (Calgary Olympic Park) a few times a week. My favourite part was when the sun would set and the lights would hit the snow. It was magical. I would stay on the slopes as long as I could. Even if I had to pee. Even if I maybe peed a little one time because I tried to hold it too long. But don't tell anybody that.
- When snow just naturally sticks together and requires almost no effort to make a snowball, you HAVE to have a snowball fight. It's a rule. Being friends with guys most often meant that I got pummeled with snowballs first. But did I ever lose? No. My winning strategy? Let them pummel me with so many snowballs that they tell me to give up. Refuse surrender. More pummeling. Refuse surrender, body is numb anyway. More pummeling. Victory, because the other side has given up because this girl looks like a drowned rat. A victorious drowned rat.

So tomorrow, I wish that I was a kid again. So I could have another victorious snowball fight or build an igloo. Alas, I will be shoveling my way out of my apartment and manning a non-snow fort (work) all day. Big sigh.

Bring it on snowmageddon. Bring. It. On.
(But be gentle)

I take winter very seriously.

Thank you Muppets

Holla at me if you loved the Muppets as much as I did growing up. They were legit. No cheeseball living in perfect harmony happy go-lucky muppets on this show. Was there even a sane one on the cast? Other than Kermit. Who, by the way, was a lefty. (I have no idea HOW I know this, but I remember finding out as a kid and being super pumped, as a south paw myself.)

Even as a child, I loved the cynical hecklers Statler and Waldorf. They were so MEAN and so FUNNY. Then there was the Swedish Chef, 100% certifiably nuts. With knives. Add to that the raving bitch Miss Piggy. Now we're talking about a quality kids show! We have two ornery old men that heckle people, an insane chef with weapons and a bitch who nonstop nags her lover. My kind of show. I feel like Jim Henson and I would have gotten along swell (side note - I feel like swell comes from combining so and well.. makes sense). Looking back, it's no wonder that I loved it. Half the characters were just that, characters. I hope that one day I'm old and grouchy and have some to heckle with like Statler and Waldorf. That would be the perfect end to cap off my life. I hope I have their laughs too, so heartwarming.

By now some of you are thinking, "Ok, if we just back away quietly, we won't spook her and alert her that we've run off." It's ok, I know deep down there's a muppet inside each of you. (That's what she said. Bazinga.)

I leave you with Sam the Eagle.

Video from YouTube user VaughnMichael. Thanks for making my day.

Things I love RIGHT NOW

There's a few things that have been making me smile lately. Even laughing! I thought I would share these and spread some holiday cheer. The Christmas holidays stress me out more than anything else, and so it comes that I need some cheering up. Thank goodness for the following:

1. Damn You Auto Correct. I am obsessed with this site right now. I can't wait until there's an app for blackberry users as I am pretty sure I could submit a daily error. Even though blackberry doesn't have auto correct. And you have no idea what I'm talking about, now do you? Go to the site, thank me later.

2. Snow. This is the time of year when I love snow most. The pretty snowflakes that fall to the ground and only last a day or two, when a fresh dusting adds so much beauty to an otherwise barren landscape.

3. Finding new blogs to creep. Every week I find someone else to adore and stalk. From humans are funny to Triton Cove to my newest find My. Daily. Randomness, I love reading about other people's lives and how I'm not the only strugglesaurus out there! I also have to say that the blog that finally pushed me to start my own was Hyperbole and a Half. I feel like she's my sister from another mister. She is one of the funniest people I have ever not met. I might drive out to the west coast and try to find her one day.

4. My new store. Well it's not "my" store, but I manage it and we just opened 4 days ago! It's been such an exciting and scary process and in the end, so rewarding. It helps that I have the most amazing boss in the world, because otherwise the past week setting up would not have been so enjoyable. But I do love labour and working hard for a good cause, and it was WORTH it! It's such a gorgeous store and I love working downtown. Now, if only there weren't so many stores to potentially bankrupt me.

5. Dark chocolate. Someone dropped off this massive bag of dark chocolate as a "Congrats" for the store opening and I have been inhaling it like nobody's business. It's good for you, right? I hope nobody else wants any. Because it's mine, all mine!

Now that you have this image of an obese, cynical, bah-humbug type of girl in  your head, I'll end my post. Oh, but before I do, I'll add in my new nickname to things I'm loving.

6. White Out. Although this might give people the wrong impression (I am neither albino nor a coke head) it does suit me rather well. I am constantly correcting myself and often others. I can't help it. It's a horrible horrible habit and sometimes I just can't bite my tongue. The nickname though, is amazing. I love it.

Seriously, now I'm saying goodbye. No, you hang up first. Smoochie boochies! (Screw snoochie boochies a la Jay and Silent Bob, I like smoochie boochies!)

xo