There are moments when I get really frustrated with the lack of chivalry in today's society. More often than not, doors are not opened for me. I can count the number of times on one hand that my chair has been pulled out for me. My last foot rub? High school.
I was once seeing a guy who was very chivalrous. I was so shocked and blown away that I didn't know how to handle it. He insisted on opening doors for me, went to my side of the car first to open the car door, and shut it. (No, mom, you never met him. I'm sorry, yes, he was very nice, but you have to know I would have scared him off eventually.) Had we ever gone out to dinner, I'm sure he would have pulled out my chair for me. I thought it was an act at first, but then realized that it was genuine. Clearly he had a good mama that raised him right! Then he said that I didn't act very lady-like, and that I had a trucker mouth, and could I please not use such foul language? And that was the end of that.
So clearly, having a guy who is eager to please, always at your beck and call, the type of guy you'd love to bring home to the parents.. well we're just not into him either.
Then there's the other side of things. I can build my own furniture, shovel the driveway, kill spiders, do the heavy lifting, and even take myself out for dinner. And I know that it's partly the "tough guy" in me. For example, I'm not one to ask for help when carrying something heavy. In fact, I love carrying heavy items just to show off my muscles ([mus][kles]). They're huge... I never outgrew the "I can do it myself!" phase. And I'm sure you know where I stand on sex. Sorry parentals if you're reading.
I don't need a man to support me financially, I was raised to be independent. I was brought up to shatter glass ceilings. But does that mean that I should pay for all meals out? Or not get spoiled? (Hypothetically of course..) Just because women are now making as much money as men, doesn't mean that they don't want to be wined and dined. I feel as if in the process of women gaining more power, more control over their own lives, and being able to have a say in society, we forgot to demand respect as well. Or maybe that's the problem, we demanded. Apparently men aren't huge fans of "being told". Clearly while training them we need to be more discreet about it.
So, men, you can't:
- Be too nice
- Be an asshole
- Offer your help
- Not offer your help
- Be the little spoon
- Not spoon at all
- Offer to carry her purse
- Not offer to carry her groceries
- Be her bitch
- Call her a bitch
- Call all the time
- Not call at all
- And the list goes on..
For more sage advice, you can always email this single gal who hasn't been in a relationship in.. well a really long time.
13 comments:
You are so right on with this. It has really become a double edged sword for the dating lady crowd. We are so independent now that most guys are scared to shit to say or do something that is going to make us get all defensive about doing it our big girl selves but on the other hand, they know we can do it our big girl selves and just have quit trying to even fake courtesy in most cases now. I agree they are in a lose/lose situation. I wouldn't want to date a girl. It's a lot of work! But you and I? Well, we are the lovely exceptions I'm sure!
You and Random girl make a good point, but in my opinion, that doesn't mean I wouldn't date your asses. I always open the doors and let ladies in first etc etc (except the day I was distracted on my phone and the theme of my last post), but it's not my nature to not be helpful or whatever. Even if the girl is tough and wants to do shit herself, I'd still ask or take the initiative.
Very well said...what's a nice guy to do? LOL
Well said Lex! I feel the EXACT same way!
I think it's hard for both genders these days to find the right balance, and that's what it's really about. Balance. You don't want a many who's an asshole but also not one who is spineless or sickly sweet. You want help but not someone who thinks you're helpless. It is definitely hard.
I think you've hit the nail right on the head with this one... And though it sounds like it should be impossible to find such a guy, I like to think they do exist.. :) :)
THIS is why I am terrified I'll never find the right guy. I need a manly man who isn't afraid to get dirty, who is strong, independant, and DOES NOT wear skinny jeans or take longer to get ready than I do. However, he needs to be sweet, hold me when I cry, tolerate my moods, not judge my love of Disney movies, let me do my own thing and be my own person, and not get jealous of my flirty ways. He must be good with my family, have infinite patience, be able to toss me around and call me on my shit, and be an absolute beast in the bedroom.
Is that really too much to ask for!? I think not!
@ Randy - Well of course, there's always an exception to the rule :)
@ Porkstar - Don't stop doing what you're doing. Of course you'd date our asses. We are kick ass.
@ Chuck Lee - Nice guys are shit outta luck. Just kidding, there are still some nice girls.. somewhere.
@ Britt - It's a tough life we live.
@ Connie - Balance is so difficult, especially because you end up overcompensating one way or the other if you feel too nice or like an ass.
@ PencilGirl - I believe they're out there too. Hiding.
@ Jewels - Amen. It better not be too much to ask for or I'm fucked.
Yep, you women are complex. Especially to us simple minded men. And I have a simple solution. Honesty and humor. Most people won't fault us for either. Right?
You are so bang on with this one. I feel so sorry for men!
I couldn't have said it better myself if I tried!!!
I work in an very testosterone predominant work place and I have top open my own doors (even when carrying a heavy box). But my favorite was when one man in particular said "wouldn't it be easier if you pulled it?" I replied "or you could always HELP me?!?!?!" He smiled and walked away.
That's why it's important for us women to raise our sons to be chivalrous... it's our only hope!
I don't think that a guy can go wrong with chivalry, just don't be a pussy about it. Any lady appreciates having a door opened for her, and if she starts that "I can open my own fucking door!" bullshit, then drop her because she's a bitch.
I can "open my own fucking door" better than any chick, and I STILL appreciate it when a guy (even my brother who knows that I'm a badass) opens a door for me.
@ Wow, that was awkward - yes, we do appreciate honesty and humor. And if she don't, she is boring and crazy.
@ Renee - I do not feel sorry for men. There are rules, they just need to follow them. ;)
@ Ginnie - You need to set some rules around that place woman! And yes, we do need to raise our boys to be chivalrous!
@ Kat - Chivalry sans pussiness is key. Very key. Who doesn't appreciate a door being opened?
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