Sunday, October 31, 2010

How to Get Sick

Ladies and gentlemen. There probably aren't any ladies or gentlemen reading this. If there are, then I just offended them and they just left.
Compadres, here's a way to get sick, and really make it count. As a kid, I was no stranger to hospitals or clinics. From ear infections to whooping cough to croup to more ear infections to a dislocated shoulder, over the years I got to know the Alberta Children's Hospital pretty well. And to looove that banana medicine they give you. So good, I hope that kids still get that shit for ear infections.
Needless to say, it's one thing to be plagued with a nasty ear infection, it's quite another to have to deal with other ailments at the same time.

Let's take this story to the next chapter. Many years ago I planned a trip to visit my family out west and as it turns out the blinding pain that I experienced the first few days made it somewhat of a haze.
It started on the plane. Swollen throat, plugged ears, and why did it hurt to pee? Maybe it was the cramps I was also feeling? I was traveling alone and had nobody to ask why I was experiencing these symptoms. The next day I was in so much pain that I couldn't stop pacing and I spent my visit with my cousin in the clinic. This is where the story gets fuzzy. I know that I had a 12 hour bus to catch that night, that was fun. There was a guy who wanted to talk about his girlfriend and how he visited her every weekend and how hard the 12 hour long distance relationship was but of course it was worth it because he totally loved her. Ya, fun. When my aunt picked me up from the bus stop I got a call from the clinic and a very nervous receptionist began to describe what I had and that I should probably go to the hospital NOW. Apparently if I waited too much longer I would succumb to a horrible fever. For real. When you let strep throat, an ear infection and a bladder infection fester, not only do you want to end your life, but it can also get worse. I can feel more pain? So my visit with my aunt was spent driving to the nearest hospital. True story: I walked in to the ER, told the doctor my list of ailments and he wrote me a prescription for penicillin. I guess I just looked like I was telling the truth and was probably on the verge of passing out. Which I did as soon as we got back to my aunt's house. And that was another visit wasted. My aunt was used to "things" happening surrounding my visits though so she wasn't surprised. I'll tell a couple of those stories later on.

Anyway, I can't really say for sure what the exact order everything happened in because I was so immersed in my own pain that everything became blurry. But it wasn't a dream and it did all happen at once. So my friends, if you're going to get sick, do it all at once and get it out of the way. And hopefully you're not allergic to penicillin.

This story is dedicated to my friend who is experiencing one of the aforementioned ailments. Also, wipe front to back. Just sayin.


Renee ( said...

Hahaha that last part was disgusting!

Johnny Utah said...

Good post! I saw your comment on Hyperbole... felt compelled to read your blog. I'm a new blogger too, so I know how exciting it is to get a new random follower. So here I am... Random follower #1 (or at most #5)

Angeline said...

The story is quite funny, but it's interesting at the same time. I got your point in there. It's not easy to have another set of illnesses from one day to another. However, it is more painful to have all the diseases at once. Anyway, ear infections are common among children. It is normal, but it needs to be treated as soon as possible to prevent future loss of hearing.

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Angeline said...

I agree. Every small illness or sickness should be attended as soon as possible. This will prevent further damage to the system that may even cause your life. A severe sore throat can be a symptom of sore throat that must be cured properly. An antibiotic might be prescribed by your doctor.